Yello,
I’m cold. It’s cold. If this keeps up I am going to go postal… But in a fun, chill, sexy way. The weather, to be frank, is pushing a sweet girl too far. I have become a leggings-and-puffer-jacket girlie 6/7 days a week. Who am I? I’m afraid I do not know anymore.
But don’t worry, I’m still having fun and being snarky and verbose and annoying like always. It’s going to take a lot more than cold ears and chapped lips to keep me from the SWEETIE Weekly.
🤩 SWEETIE RATES 🤩
Addison Rae
Big news! This week I finally watched He’s All That, the 2021 remake of She’s All That. Aside from being a movie that tried to shut down a covid testing site, it’s also TikTok star Addison Rae’s film debut.
My review can be summarised thusly: Addison Rae seems like a sweetheart. Can she act? Um, kind of? Though you can see the cogs turning in her head every time she has to deliver a line, she’s really not too bad. Moreover, she has an impermeable goodness, she radiates soft vibes through the screen. The film, obviously terrible, is buoyed by her effervescence. I walked away with only one concrete thought — “I think I like Addison Rae??”
And I do. I was never on the Addison Rae side of TikTok, so I have only previously been able to judge her by the vitriol I’ve seen directed towards her. I’ve now been won over. Addison is the gorgeous girl you meet in the club bathroom at 2am who lifts your spirits before disappearing into a groping abyss. She has the beautiful brown eyes of a placid calf and the kind smile of a true sweetheart.
As penance for Addison’s rapid rise to fame she has had to deal with the indignity of her parents’ public divorce and ensuing spats — including but not limited to her mother’s PDA with Yung Gravy (YUCK), and her dad then trying to fight Yung Gravy.
Regardless, she shines through. Her music is the antithesis of what you’d expect from a TikTok starlet, more Charli XCX than Charlie D’Amelio. She likes Arca. She likes Björk!
So sure, she did this.
I bet she wishes she didn’t. And that's growth. You would do it too, for a cheque. I mean I wouldn’t, but you specifically would and I know that to be true.
Thanksgiving in Mongolia
Every year or so I revisit this 2013 piece from the New Yorker by Ariel Levy and it’s just as aching and poignant each time. A flawless essay, but not for the faint of heart or those for whom the loss of a baby may be triggering. A heartbreaking story told with stunning prose, I highly encourage you read it with a couple of tissues close by.
Ruthless efficiency
I got a haircut this weekend and I am not even shitting you, I was in and out of that salon in 25 minutes. Wash! Cut! Blowdry! All done in the time it takes to watch an episode of Seinfeld. There were no pleasantries, no head massage, no ongoing conversation, no music. The hairdresser did not even ask for my name when I walked in, she simply walked me to the basin and scrubbed at my head like I was a dirty dog.
I used to frequent the kind of hair salons where they had fresh, ceiling-height flower arrangements and an offer of champagne on arrival, but my life is very different now due to constant financial impropriety. Instead, I now go to salons where the only other customer is getting a perm, the rotten egg-smell of which permeates the whole room, and the floor is covered in marble-print linoleum that is peeling at the corners.
This weekend’s was one of the best haircut experiences I’ve ever had. No faff and no nonsense, just a hairdresser tsjuz’ing me up as though I were a race car at a pitstop. Five stars.
🤐 SWEETIE HATES 🤐
People who describe themselves as the following:
A flaneur
A raconteur
A bon vivant
Someone “looking for a partner in crime”
A freelance creative
An empath
Smoll
A humorist
A cinephile
An Anglophile (racist)
A Francophile (racist again)
“Gen Z cusp”
Daddy
A foodie
A “clean girl”
“OCD” or someone with “intrusive thoughts” when they absolutely do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
A Scorpio
Shredded kale
You’re in his DMs, I am standing silently in my kitchen picking all the stems out of a bag of kale from Aldi. The bags have to be 50% stem at this point. Every time I think I have evacuated all of those little fuckers I take a bite of my salad or stew or soup or whatever vegetarian nuisance I have made for myself and low and behold, stems aplenty.
I cannot for the life of me figure out how they (not sure who) keep getting away with putting so many stems in the bag. Probably because they CAN get away with it. Nobody except me has ever been brave enough to whine about this before on a public forum and that is why I am forging the frontier, a kaleblazer, if you will.
We need to take to the streets in protest, get really French about it, you know? Let’s burn some trash. Lord knows there’s enough of it on the streets. They’re probably garbage bags filled with stems!!!
Therapy Jeff
No offence but can this guy shut the fuck up. I’m this close 👌 to blocking him. Not because he’s hitting a nerve, but because he is getting on my last nerve. I don’t know what it is about him that causes such a caustic reaction within my body. I’m sorry, Jeff. Please get off my FYP, Jeff.
That’s all! xx