Hey everyone,
When was the last time you heard this song?
Let’s make it today! I am never not thinking about this, this song should’ve been way bigger. That’s really all I have to say as an intro. Not every week can be a winner, ok?
😙 SWEETIE RATES 😙
Rene Dehinden’s incredible drip
Swiss/Canadian cryptozoology legend Rene Dehinden basically dedicated his entire life to Bigfoot research until his death in 2001. While he didn’t ever, y’know, find Bigfoot, he did do something equally important — he spent his life being dripped the fuck out.
Would you believe that the above picture was taken in 1957, not in 2023 outside of a small plates establishment in Clapton?
LOOK at his personal style! That c*nty little cardigan…
This man is drowning in swaggerooni. He just asked me what my favourite pet-nat is and if I listen to Throwing Fits. I can hear the carabiner chock-full of keys, fixed to his back pocket, jangling from a mile away. The Carhartt WIP-ing boys wish they had a style this natural.
Welcome to Crappie Lake
Just the other evening, tired and depleted from a long day, I thought about what I could watch that would make me feel better. “Ooh” I thought, “There’s a new episode of Real Housewives of New York that I haven’t seen yet.” I made my way to Hayu and clicked on the latest episode. What happened next will SHOCK you. I suddenly realised something concerning — I had actually already watched the episode. Not only had I already watched it, I had done so just one night before, and promptly forgotten. The episode had been so boring, so ineffectual and so meaningless that I had already wiped it from my memory, Men in Black style. Sad!
Luckily for you, me and everybody else with taste — RHONY OG’s (kinda) Luann ‘The Countess’ de Lesseps and Sonja ‘With a Sexy J’ Morgan have a show of their own to help fill the void. Welcome to Crappie Lake is unadulterated, low-stakes fluff. There is no heaviness, nothing stressful, it’s just two middle-aged women fresh off the table for liposuction, shaking hands, kissing babies, and catching catfish and some D along the way.
The duo, unlike a lot of newer reality stars, are still completely out of touch despite their own clearly delusional beliefs that they are in on the joke. They’re inspiring. Their libidos are inspiring. Let’s go girls.
Another long read :)
Hey. It’s me again, trying to shove just one more piece of longform nonfiction in front of your gorgeous, mesmerising eyes. This one, Who Walks Always Beside You by Benjamin Hale for Harpers is a goodie! Kind of spooky, very sad, this 14,000 word piece legitimately had me on the edge of my goddamn SEAT.
👹 SWEETIE HATES 👹
Iggy Azalea’s wrong step
I’m sure you all know the news by now — loser/failure Tory Lanez has been found guilty of shooting perfect queen Megan Thee Stallion. You can read more about that here if you’re out of the loop, but all you really need to know is that he defo did it and now he’s going to the big house for ten years. Yes, I’m quite the legal eagle.
Love that Megan has been vindicated after being broadly accused of lying about the incident — even publicly so by Drake — but an interesting development about the case has emerged over recent days. It happens that Iggy Azalea, another female rapper, decided to side not with Megan, but with Tory. She even wrote a letter of recommendation on his behalf to the judge. Huh?
Though hers was just one of the 76 submitted letters, Iggy’s seems particularly on the nose. For a woman who has faced accusations of cultural appropriation time and time again, you’d think maybe she’d take her chance to show some solidarity when push comes to shove. Guess not.
Iggy, from one country NSW girl to another — step back, Bushpig. Why a judge would take the word of a woman who freestyles like Donnie Thornberry over Megan THEE Stallion is beyond comprehension.
Blokette
Far be it from me to be rude or dismissive about something someone else likes, but I simply cannot stomach the blokette trend anymore.
I’m sorry. I think it looks stupid. Stupid as hell. I don’t know. The Tilly’s and Millie’s and Missy’s of the world might love it, but almost every single person who dresses like this has palpably bad vibes.
I apologise, Bella Hadid. If only you guys could dress as well as a Bigfoot hunter… Then we’d be talking…
The etymology of the word ‘muscle’
Did you know that the world ‘muscle’ comes from the latin word ‘musculus’ which means ‘little mouse’? Now you do. And it’s all because the Romans thought that flexed muscles look like little mice running around, bulging under your skin, squirming, YEARNING to be free.
I can’t believe this is real. This sounds like something I’d make up to sound even more off-putting and repellent to a boring man I met at a party. Words are dumb as fuck.
Byeeeeeee