It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new SWEETIE Weekly — and I’m feeling OK. No more jetlag, no more days off, and hopefully, no more pulling The Hermit card.
Hey, while you’re here, If you’d like to contribute to humanitarian efforts in Palestine, I suggest you follow this link. I haven’t wanted to sound flip or dismissive about what’s happening in Palestine in the context of the newsletter, but genocide is simply not something to keep quiet about. I hope that by the time I write to you next week that we will see a ceasefire. From the river, to the sea ❤️
Time to get stuck in.
🪷 SWEETIE RATES 🪷
Eggman
Please. I can’t think of the last time a video made me laugh so hard that I honked.
There are a few things in life you can bet on — death, taxes, Rita Ora flopping and Heidi Klum going all out for Halloween.
I was not surprised by Heidi’s costume, a peacock, or how elaborate it was (it took 2000 hours to make). Seeing as she can no longer do her annual vow renewals with Seal 😞 Halloween is the only extremely public tradition she has left.
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So yes, Heidi Klum wearing an intricate costume is no shock. But nothing at all could’ve prepared me for the reveal of her husband’s Halloween costume. Where she has a ten-person team to take part in her eerie peacock costume, her husband Tom is cast aside, a lowly egg and nothing more.
While it’s spooky enough that Heidi Klum is married to a Tokio Hotel musician who once overdosed on Viagra, the fact that she made him be an egg for Halloween is downright galling. It’s clear that she wears the feathers in this relationship. He couldn’t be a bird too, he just HAD to be an egg, and one who resembles Nosferatu at that? Is he meant to be her egg? Does that mean her husband is dressed as her baby? I don’t know. But I think it’s beautiful.
“You should just be an egg” — me when I’m ovulating.
LeAnn Rimes Single White Female-ing
To the two people who will be interested in this investigative blog post about LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville from 2013 — you’re welcome. For those out of the loop, here’s a quickfire catch up before you dive in, because even if you don’t care about Bravo-related drama, this is still juicy as fawk:
Former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star and constant agent of chaos Brandi Glanville was once married to actor Eddie Cibrian.
While they were married, Eddie Cibrian, noted cheater*, had an on-set affair with co-star LeAnn Rimes while filming the 2009 TV movie Northern Lights. She was also married.
Eddie and LeAnn soon become an official couple, each divorcing their respective spouses and marrying each other in 2010.
Brandi, on and off screen, never let this betrayal go and publicly spoke about the affair many, many times. Many times. Many.
LeAnn then began to copy Brandi in creepy and specific ways, which the blog covers impeccably. This includes switching to the same dentist.
Let me not spoil it any further. Read on for a spectacular deep dive into the life and times of despy D-Listers. You simply cannot tell me that LeAnn doesn’t want to wear Brandi’s skin.
*I know cheating is bad, but had Eddie not been such a flagrant philanderer, we would not have Vanderpump Rules, one of my, and Martin Scorcese’s, favourite TV shows.
NYT does something good for once
Food influencer Tieghan Gerard of Half Baked Harvest has long irked me, and as it turns out, it seems like she has also bothered Julia Moskin of the New York Times. Gerard, who has no real culinary credentials and who does not like to use soap, was profiled by the Pulitzer-winning food writer and the results were… delicious.
Not quite scathing, but certainly sharp around the edges, Moskin lets Gerard’s slippery history and unending sense of entitlement speak for itself. It’s very well done. No pun intended.
🤡 SWEETIE HATES 🤡
Da clown emoji
Extra, extra! Read all about it! There are microplastics in the clouds, but no time for that, I have another opinion on an emoji!
We need an updated clown emoji. This one 🤡 is not cutting the mustard… it’s more like… it’s cutting the cheese. Because it stinks… Alright.
I think Apple’s clown emoji has the potential to be great, but instead it’s dated, it’s too aggressive, and it’s giving constipation. The clown emoji is concurrently doing too much and not giving anything at all. We need a more holistic emoji to convey humiliation and deep-rooted vitriol. Otherwise I will resort to using this emoji 😵 and nobody wants that.
Elon is Elon’ing
I can’t stress enough how much I think Elon Musk, aside from being utterly insidious, is also a huge fucking loser.
Today he announced another lame, inane, vainglorious ‘innovation’ that is called Grok. In news that will thrill men that say “methinks”, Grok is Musk’s competitor to ChatGPT, with its tone of voice based on the The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
“It’s also based & loves sarcasm” — me when I have brain damage.
This is my earnest response to all of charlatan crap:
Finding a new housemate
“Ohhhh please come and look at my house and maybe live with me and don’t be weird 🥺.”
Humiliating.
I moved out at 18, have lived in 14 different houses, and have had more than 40 different housemates (not including a man with no fixed abode that lived in my backyard for a few months). I can’t do this anymore. I might just dig a hole under Hampstead Heath and live there instead.
Bye bye now