Hi!
Sorry for writing about ghosts two weeks in a row, it’s just that I’m kind of literally obsessed with them. There are other things in here too. Dogs…Toxic masculinity… the things that make my world go round and round.
Hey, if you like this, you know you can tell other people to read it? If you want to. It’s NBD.
🤪 SWEETIE RATES 🤪
Eenie meenie scammy
I have always known one thing to be true in this life — men love big tvs. They are utterly obsessed with fuck-off big TVs. I don’t know what it is, but they’re mesmerised by plasma, inches, motion smoothing and 4k. They want a box that takes up a quarter of the living room, and they want the quality on it to be so crisp that they can clearly see Kevin Costner’s nasolabial folds when watching Yellowstone.
My inherent understanding of this phenomenon is what makes millennial icon Sean Kingston’s fraud arrest that much more reasonable. He and his mother both got got by the authorities this weekend. As per the BBC:
Ver Ver Entertainment claims Mr Kingston contacted the company over social media in September 2023 to purchase a "232-inch Colossal TV, coupled with a robust sound system".
The company claims Mr Kingston "induced" the business to install the products with "as small a downpayment as possible" by making "numerous false representations", including a suggestion that he would create promotional videos for the company with Justin Bieber.
Can you die from physically cringing so hard that your butthole shoots up into your body? This is probably the most embarrassing reason to commit fraud. Shout out to scamming with your mother, though. I think my mum’s eyes would bug out of her head if she knew I’d accidentally cut in front of someone in a line, let alone tried to use Justin “Yummy” Bieber as a pawn in my efforts to get some killer surround sound.
This is like one of Aesop’s Fables. Except instead of the moral of the story being “Don’t commit fraud” it’s “The vain pursuit of a larger and larger television will hold your hand down the road to hell.”
Team nobody
I don’t condone violence, but I do condone reading sentences you would never find in the bible. Try some of these on for size from Page Six in their article detailing a brawl in Cannes between noted idiot Travis Scott and Cher’s 38-year old boyfriend.
Travis Scott and Tyga’s pal Alexander “AE” Edwards were throwing punches at each other at Richie Akiva’s annual “The After” afterparty in Cannes, France, early Friday, nearly injuring a bevy of beauties.
Not the bevy of beauties!
“Models were flying everywhere in the melee,” a source tells Page Six exclusively. “Someone got hit with an ice bucket.”
This sentence is MY cellar door. I’m not sure anyone who was partying at five in the morning would be throwing around the word “melee” to describe a fistfight in a nightclub, but I’ll take it.
We’re told Scott and Southside ran to their cars, while Tyga, Edwards and their pals stayed at the French fête.
Who wrote this article, Emily in Paris?
Life lessons
Maybe I’m going into spiritual psychosis, but this woman is spitting. Just hitting the mark, video after video. Sunglasses:on. Swag: unlimited. Leave your heart and mind open to receive.
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😡 SWEETIE HATES 😡
Ghoul story bro
When I moved to the UK I assumed I would be having spine-tingling, spectral run-ins all the time. This just hasn’t been the case. Aside from feeling oddly breathless when gazing into George Mackenzie’s tomb (I think I was just puffed out), my paranormal experiences have thus far amounted to diddly squat. I thought that perhaps my sensitivity to the presence of spirits had worn off in my old age. Now I know that’s simply not true. It’s not that ghosts and ghouls don’t want to engage with me — it’s that they’re dying out. Again.
Thank God Dr Paul Lee, paranormal expert/the man of my dreams, is keeping tabs on the situation. He told (sorry for the source) The Daily Star that “...It does seem as though many famous ghosts are either dormant or have faded away or moved on.
“It could be that a spirit had a natural source of energy to begin with which has dwindled away over time, leaving them without the reserves to manifest anymore.”
I, too, have been ghosted because I was no longer providing the natural source of energy someone needed to manifest.
While it’s crushing, it’s fair. If I had a choice, I’m not sure I’d want to be in this earthly realm either. What’s the point of being around in 2024 if you can’t even eat an acai bowl with peanut butter?
Dr Lee says the ghosts might come back. Sure. But what’s the point? Their hearts are clearly not in it anymore. Haunt me when you give a hoot.
Broken clock
Sad to report that something I couldn’t have predicted ever happening has in fact happened — I am on Logan Paul’s side on an issue.
That’s right, corpse-filmer, dead-rat-taser and general menace Logan Paul is currently beefing with a chiropractor. It all started when the self-designated doctor posted on TikTok about how Paul’s drink brand PRIME (which I tried one sip of once and then tipped down the sink) is bad for you. Groundbreaking information. Paul shot back by calling him a deadbeat dad, outed his past with bankruptcy and brought to life his suspended chiropractic licence.
Had the person Logan Paul was fighting with been a school teacher or a nurse, I’d feel differently, but FUCK chiropractors. If you ever see me fighting with a chiropractor, help the chiropractor.
It’s getting Messi
Just last week I gave a loving dressing down to Messi, Anatomy of a Fall star and attention whore. And it was for good reason. You see, there’s a new it-dog on the scene, Kodi, and he just might be the Sabrina Carpenter to Messi’s Tate McRae.
9-year old Kodi is the star of Dog on Trial, and he just won the coveted 2024 Palm Dog award. Know who won that very same prize last year? It would be undignified of me to say. Is it fair of me to go so hard for Messi? Yes, I just want what’s best for him, unlike the yes people he seems to currently be surrounded by. I also love pitting things against each other — animals, women, arms — you name it.
Au revoir!