Oi oi!
How are we? I’m great, thanks for asking ☺️ Love these conversations we have xx
Let’s get into it.
👑 SWEETIE RATES 👑
The beautiful, gorgeous, sexy game
This newsletter is late because I drank too much wine last night and got lazy and also because I wanted to go and watch the England v Slovakia game. By the time I got to the pub at around the 80th minute, England were losing 0-1. The mood was dour — if England lost this game they’d be out of the Euros, of course — and I wondered how many upturned, burning cars I’d have to walk past on my way home.
There’s Gareth Southgate on the sidelines wearing a half-zip, wool-blend polo from the Massimo Dutti mid-season sale, trying to mask his festering anger. Dozens of half-cut punters were glued to the screen, murmuring to themselves, helplessly litigating every manoeuvre. The Slovakia team were stalling for time, smug. It’s full-time, and we head into the six penalty minutes. I start thinking about what I’m going to eat for dinner, whether or not I’m going to regret my hair-of-the-dog Guinness, and what Gareth Southgate’s stylist gets paid.
But then, in the 96th minute, beautiful Jude Bellingham knocks in a goal and everyone in the pub erupts in celebration, incredulous laughter and tears of joy abound. It’s 1-1. It’s not over yet. An extra 30 minutes is added. Harry Kane, who looks more like a P.E teacher than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life, pops a goal in almost immediately. The air becomes candescent. England hold on until the final whistle. They’ve made it. The Slovakian players cry on the pitch. Having successfully harvested the energy of the room and downed my Guinness, I took my leave. Sport — I get it!
TRACK
I am legally obligated to share whenever JT, formerly of City Girls, has even taken a breath in a music studio.
This should have been bigger tbh.
Just stop
From TMZ:
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE CRACKS DWI ARREST JOKE ... Anyone Driving Tonight???
Ughhhh. Justin, It’s one thing to be a clown, it’s another thing to be a c***.
Hit the bench, JLo. It’s JT’s turn. This guy is flopping harddd the last few years. DWI arrest. Humiliating quote going viral. Anti-vaxxer wife. Busted for cheating. Friends with Jimmy Fallon. Was in The Love Guru. At least we’ll always have this video.
🔒 SWEETIE HATES 🔒
Go cope
Palestinian princess Bella Hadid was announced as the new face of Saint Laurent this week. Unfortunately, it sparked the resurgence of an old, boring conversation — her plastic surgery.
Every time there’s a conversation about Bella Hadid’s modelling work, comment after comment on social media will filter in that features one of the most annoying refrains on the internet: “You’re not ugly, you’re just poor” Meaning, of course, that if Bella Hadid had not gotten work done to look more like Carla Bruni, she’d be, I don’t know, destitute and dead in a ditch.
It’s obvious that Bella Hadid was touched by an angel. She already said that she was influenced to get her first nose job at 14, and she regrets it. But damn! I’m not even completely morally aligned with elective plastic surgery, but I find the whole conversation so inane and misguided. I think in the confusion that clouds class consciousness, people find themselves unable to appropriately direct their frustrations to what disparities are actualling impacting their day-to-day lives.
It’s easier, and much more fun I’m sure, to get mad at a model. YES, pretty privilege is real! YES she got more opportunities because of her family connections! But here’s the other thing about her success as a model… Even without all of those factors, let’s not act like she wasn’t already gorgeous before surgery.
Listen. Bella Hadid not only already had the blueprint for great beauty, she’d come fully built. She was born the Sistine Chapel — she just had a couple of Michelangelos work away on her ceiling. Did she get her eyeballs done to conjure up that captivating green? Were her legs elongated? No. You can’t fake those genes!
If Bella Hadid were 4’9, camera shy and au natural, Saint Laurent simply would have announced a different 5’11, size 0 model as the face of the brand. Her tweaked visage is a symptom of society, not an outright diagnosis. Come for someone else next time, if that’s the kind of thing you like to spend your one life doing… Bella Hadid is not the one.
“Let’s play it by ear”
Top ten least-committal phrase in the English language. Play it by ear? Methinks not. Call me Vincent Van Gogh the way I do NOT play about ears.
If someone you don’t know very well says this to you — hell, if someone you wouldn’t pick up from the airport says this to you — the only thing this person is going to play is YOU.
Lmao
If I were Taylor Swift, which I am not and also I wouldn’t want to be because I don’t have that kind of mental fortitude, this photo of Travis Kelce trying to hide in the backseat of a car after the clurb would give me a once-in-a-generation kind of ick. Travis Kelce, you’re 6’5. You can’t try to fold yourself up like a table to hide from the paparazzi.
See you cuties later xxxx