Hi cutie,
This weekβs SWEETIE Weekly has a heavy lean toward celebrity gossip. I have so many tidbits. Sometimes Iβm so full of little tidbits filling up my head that I fear I could burst at the seams if I donβt share them.Β
Did you sign up to read Us Weekly? No. You signed up to ME Weekly so put up or shut up. Sorry for saying that.Β
Ready?
π SWEETIE RATES π
Paula Abdulβs faked plane crash
I hate it when people on the internet write βWhy arenβt we talking about this?β and then proceed to post about a piece of fairly common knowledge that they personally hadnβt been aware of. But. But! Hear me out. Why arenβt we all talking about Paula Abdulβs fabricated plane crash literally constantly?Β
Rich Juzwiakβs account of Paula Abdulβs intricate tale of aerial woe is REAL journalism. He takes a deep dive into an oft-repeated yet never-confirmed story about a fiery plane crash that made Paula Abdul disappear from the public eye for seven years. I wonβt spoil it, but Rich has done the deep dive that we need as a society to inch closer to closure on this pressing issue.Β
I am begging you, with desperate tears in my eyes, to read it. Pultizer, NOW.Β
I watched a little bit of her reality show, Hey Paula, many years ago out of morbid curiosity, but, much like The Anna Nicole Show or Being Bobby Brown, it was honestly too sad, too dark, too exploitative. It ran for seven episodes.
Danny DeVitoβs Limoncello
Danny DeVitoβs Limencello, itβs a taste delight from this famous fellow. I recently remembered, as I am wont to do, this delightful jingle. It is a veritable earworm, effortlessly shitting all over Dean Martins snoozeville discography.
The accompanying slideshow video of photos from Mr DeVitoβs New Jersey meet and greet is artistry in its purest form, a bold choice of visuals with a thrilling outcome. Who said white people have no culture?Β Β
What I wouldnβt give to taste Danny DeVitoβs delectable nectar. Unfortunately, as it was discontinued in 2018, I canβt imagine Iβll ever have the luck of stumbling across a bottle of Danny DeVitoβs Limoncello. Also, thatβs literally what it was called β Danny DeVitoβs Limoncello β he didnβt even try to give it a market research-engineered name like Casamigos or 818. Thatβs like JLo coming out with a new fragrance and calling it Jennifer Lopezβs Perfume. Inspired.
Say, while weβre on the topic of celebrity alcohol brands, remember when Justin Timberlake dressed up like a horrifying anthropomorphic lime to scare me personally, I think? Flop.Β
Relaying dreams
Thereβs this annoying rhetoric people spew about how boring it is to hear descriptions of other peopleβs dreams. Youβre boring! Perhaps itβs because Iβm an empath and youβre not (obviously) or because I had recurring nightmares every night for two years, but I want to hear about everyoneβs dreams all the time. Who was there??? What did they say??? Should we look up the meaning on dreammoods.com right now???
π€ SWEETIE HATES π€
Baby shows
βHave you seen Euphoria?β βHave you seen Sex Education?β βHave you seen Heartbreak High?β NO. I am a grown woman. I am literally 30. Why would I want to watch that? What am I, a perv? I do not need to see a pretend-16 year oldβs boobs, I do not need to watch fake children get their hearts broken and lose their virginity and get into petty fights. Some of those things Iβve already done (guess!)Β
I want to watch things that I can actually relate to. Or Vanderpump Rules. I donβt care about teenagersβ stories, ok? I already did it, lived it, itβs done! I played the role of βloserβ. The beauty of having been a teenager is you get to move on and never do it again. Why people want to watch the experience replayed and recalibrated endlessly is beyond me. Unless yer a nonce. Just kidding. Or am I.
Ne-Yoβs evil ways
Hereβs another celeb tidbit: Did you know that NeYo, noted hat connoisseur, let his partner get sterilised because they had an agreement to not have any more kids, but he never got a vasectomy like he promised, and then he left her two months before their wedding and married someone else and had more children with his new wife? Itβs true. That is absolute dog behaviour of the highest standing. He also wrote Rihannaβs worst ballads, FYI, if that wasnβt enough.Β
Feelings
I donβt want to have these anymore. Any suggestions?
Byeeeeeeeee. Love you forever xxxx