Danny DeVito's Limoncello, Faked Plane Crash? Baby Shows 😐
Wazzzzzupppppppppp
Hi cutie,
This week’s SWEETIE Weekly has a heavy lean toward celebrity gossip. I have so many tidbits. Sometimes I’m so full of little tidbits filling up my head that I fear I could burst at the seams if I don’t share them.
Did you sign up to read Us Weekly? No. You signed up to ME Weekly so put up or shut up. Sorry for saying that.
Ready?
💕 SWEETIE RATES 💕
Paula Abdul’s faked plane crash
I hate it when people on the internet write “Why aren’t we talking about this?” and then proceed to post about a piece of fairly common knowledge that they personally hadn’t been aware of. But. But! Hear me out. Why aren’t we all talking about Paula Abdul’s fabricated plane crash literally constantly?
Rich Juzwiak’s account of Paula Abdul’s intricate tale of aerial woe is REAL journalism. He takes a deep dive into an oft-repeated yet never-confirmed story about a fiery plane crash that made Paula Abdul disappear from the public eye for seven years. I won’t spoil it, but Rich has done the deep dive that we need as a society to inch closer to closure on this pressing issue.
I am begging you, with desperate tears in my eyes, to read it. Pultizer, NOW.
I watched a little bit of her reality show, Hey Paula, many years ago out of morbid curiosity, but, much like The Anna Nicole Show or Being Bobby Brown, it was honestly too sad, too dark, too exploitative. It ran for seven episodes.
Danny DeVito’s Limoncello
Danny DeVito’s Limencello, it’s a taste delight from this famous fellow. I recently remembered, as I am wont to do, this delightful jingle. It is a veritable earworm, effortlessly shitting all over Dean Martins snoozeville discography.
The accompanying slideshow video of photos from Mr DeVito’s New Jersey meet and greet is artistry in its purest form, a bold choice of visuals with a thrilling outcome. Who said white people have no culture?
What I wouldn’t give to taste Danny DeVito’s delectable nectar. Unfortunately, as it was discontinued in 2018, I can’t imagine I’ll ever have the luck of stumbling across a bottle of Danny DeVito’s Limoncello. Also, that’s literally what it was called — Danny DeVito’s Limoncello — he didn’t even try to give it a market research-engineered name like Casamigos or 818. That’s like JLo coming out with a new fragrance and calling it Jennifer Lopez’s Perfume. Inspired.
Say, while we’re on the topic of celebrity alcohol brands, remember when Justin Timberlake dressed up like a horrifying anthropomorphic lime to scare me personally, I think? Flop.
Relaying dreams
There’s this annoying rhetoric people spew about how boring it is to hear descriptions of other people’s dreams. You’re boring! Perhaps it’s because I’m an empath and you’re not (obviously) or because I had recurring nightmares every night for two years, but I want to hear about everyone’s dreams all the time. Who was there??? What did they say??? Should we look up the meaning on dreammoods.com right now???
🤔 SWEETIE HATES 🤔
Baby shows
“Have you seen Euphoria?” “Have you seen Sex Education?” “Have you seen Heartbreak High?” NO. I am a grown woman. I am literally 30. Why would I want to watch that? What am I, a perv? I do not need to see a pretend-16 year old’s boobs, I do not need to watch fake children get their hearts broken and lose their virginity and get into petty fights. Some of those things I’ve already done (guess!)
I want to watch things that I can actually relate to. Or Vanderpump Rules. I don’t care about teenagers’ stories, ok? I already did it, lived it, it’s done! I played the role of ‘loser’. The beauty of having been a teenager is you get to move on and never do it again. Why people want to watch the experience replayed and recalibrated endlessly is beyond me. Unless yer a nonce. Just kidding. Or am I.
Ne-Yo’s evil ways
Here’s another celeb tidbit: Did you know that NeYo, noted hat connoisseur, let his partner get sterilised because they had an agreement to not have any more kids, but he never got a vasectomy like he promised, and then he left her two months before their wedding and married someone else and had more children with his new wife? It’s true. That is absolute dog behaviour of the highest standing. He also wrote Rihanna’s worst ballads, FYI, if that wasn’t enough.
Feelings
I don’t want to have these anymore. Any suggestions?
Byeeeeeeeee. Love you forever xxxx