HI,
Do not panic, this week’s newsletter is late. Why? That’s a secret I’ll never tell. Just kiddin’, it’s because I am easily overwhelmed by duelling tasks. Also my PARENTS are visiting me ❤️️ So please forgive me.
This week there’s a long and vaguely journalistic breakdown, as well as an update on Tori Spelling.
Ready?
🌹 SWEETIE RATES 🌹
The TS PJ IG
In July of 2022 it was revealed by sustainability marketing firm Yard that Taylor Swift is the celebrity with the worst private jet CO2 emissions on a list of the ten biggest offenders. Taylor’s two jets combined took 170 flights between 1 January and 29 July 2022. Her average flight time? 80 minutes. Her average distance per flight? 139.36 miles, or 224.27km.
With a calculated 8,293.54 tonnes of emissions Taylor racked up more damage on her two wittle planes than 1,184 average people would in a year. Oops.
In response to this news, Taylor’s representatives gave a curt statement, “Taylor’s jet is loaned out regularly to other individuals,” the spokesperson told the Guardian. Oh ok. No worries then.
Despite Taylor’s jet love being leaked, she has not changed tact even a whole year later. An Instagram account dedicated to Taylor’s journeys has been created to track her travels — @taylorswiftjets. Created by Jack Sweeney — owner of @elonmusksjet, you can see just how much Taylor’s PJ habit has increased since commencing the Eras Tour.
With breakdowns of gallons and pounds of fuel used, the cost of the fuel and how many tonnes of CO2 have been emitted per flight, these are the most crucial flight details since Epstein’s. Though, of course, it’s probably misogyny’s fault.
Breaking your own heart
This past week marked the canonical 29 year-anniversary since Jessie and Celine met on a train from Budapest in Before Sunrise. To celebrate, I recommend you have your heart utterly, irreparably broken by the Before Trilogy — whether you’ve already seen them or not.
Take a day, make it a triple-feature and when the credits roll on Before Midnight, swear to yourself that from now on you’re going to do everything differently.
Trend forecasting: mo’ slo mo
Slow mo videos…. Now these are coming back in a big way. The novelty of slo mo videos wore off in roughly 2018, but they’re primed for a comeback from the 0.5 lens, 2004 digital camera Gen-Z crew. We’re talking slow mo vids in the club, slow mo vids of oil slicked-puddles, slo mo vids of smoke rings from a puff of wild cherry Elf Bar… I see the vision.
Everything old is new again.
🥸 SWEETIE HATES 🥸
Ezra Miller’s grand return
In a fundamentally unhinged period of pop culture news, Ezra Miller’s comeback truly takes the cake in terms of the absurd. Since the project was announced in 2014, Ezra, who is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, has had an even more notable starring turn recently — that of a violent criminal.
There is no way that anyone can in good faith pull the cancel culture card after this debacle. I have painstakingly broken down their crimes and controversies in case you’re not caught up…
The beginning of the downfall:
It kicks off, publicly at least, with Ezra strangling a female fan in Reykjavik in April of 2020 at a bar.
Terrorising Hawaii:
Being arrested for disorderly conduct and harassment in a karaoke bar in March of 2022 in Hawaii — where they were living at the time. The incident stemmed from Ezra’s rage at a local singing ‘Shallow’ by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. They grabbed the microphone, yelled obscenities and ‘lunged’ at a man playing darts. They were fined $500 USD.
Hours after Ezra was released from their arrest for the altercation at a karaoke bar, they allegedly barged into the bedroom of a local couple and threatened them by saying “I will burn you and your slut wife”
From this incident, Ezra was accused of stealing a passport as well as a wallet containing a social security card, driver's licence and bank cards. After receiving a temporary restraining order against Ezra, the couple’s petition was later withdrawn on April 11.
In April of 2022, Ezra was again arrested in Hawaii — this time for second-degree assault. Ezra allegedly “became irate” when asked to leave an acquaintance’s home and threw a chair at a woman, who reported a half-inch cut to her forehead from the altercation.
Throughout their time in Hawaii, at least ten different phone calls were made to the police pertaining to their behaviour.
Grooming and abuse allegations:
After finally leaving Hawaii alone, Ezra returned to the US mainland. In June of 2022, the Standing Rock Sioux tribal court issued a temporary order of protection against Eza on behalf of Tokata Iron Eyes, an 18-year-old activist who Miller met when she was 12. At the time of their meeting, Ezra was 23.
The parents of Iron Eyes have alleged that Ezra used "violence, intimidation, threat of violence, fear, paranoia, delusions, and drugs" to groom and manipulate her. At 13, Iron Eyes was flown to Londonto visit Ezra on the set of The Crimes of Grindelwald.
Iron Eyes dropped out of school in 2021, at age 17, which her parents believe she did in order to follow Ezra.
Her parents have also accused Ezra of being physically abusive, allegedly seeing bruises on her body caused by Ezra.
On an unverified account via Instagram, Iron Eyes denied her parents' allegations. Her parents countered by claiming their child did not have control over her own social media account. Iron Eyes then created a video response to clarify that it was her own choice not to have a phone.
Law enforcement were initially unable to locate Ezra to serve them with the order, Ezra responded by posting messages on their Instagram account mocking the court's attempts to find them. These have since been deleted.
Iron Eyes' parents attempted to obtain a permanent order of protection against Ezra, but this was dismissed. They also withdrew their request for the custody of Iron Eyes.
Per Rolling Stone, Ezra allegedly believes themselves to be Jesus Chris. Also believing that Iron Eyes is "an apocalyptic Native American spider goddess" who, along with Ezra, will bring about an Indigenous revolution.
Ezra allegedly refers to themselves as a Messiah to Native Americans, although they do not have Indigenous ancestry. They have also alternatively claimed to be the devil.
Rastafarian Parcheesi and another instance of alleged grooming/violence
Yet another incident surfaced in June. A mother and her twelve-year-old child were granted a temporary harassment prevention order against Ezra in Massachusetts after they said that Ezra threatened the woman's family and showed inappropriate behaviour towards the child — who is also non-binary.
According to the mother, child, and a neighbour, Ezra, who was originally visiting another neighbour, showed up at the family's home wearing a bulletproof vest and in possession of a gun. The gun emerged after Ezra claimed that the board game Parcheesi has Rastafarian roots and, when questioned on proof, allegedly opened their jacket to reveal a gun and said, "Talking like that could get you into a really serious situation."
After revealing the gun, they continued to act erratically and allegedly touched the child inappropriately.
The child's mother told Business Insider that Ezra had known the family since February, had taken an interest in the child because of their "style and maturity level", offering to start a clothing line with the child and fund their attendance to a design school.
The mother also claimed that Ezra considered the child to be a "mystical being" who "would be lucky to have Ezra to guide and protect them."
Before the protective order was granted, Ezra arrived at the family's house dressed as a cowboy and attempted to buy the child's horses.
The Vermont farm era
Reports emerged that Ezra was hosting a 25-year old single mother of three, who they met in Hawaii, on their 96-acre farm in Stamford, Vermont.
Per Rolling Stone (same link as earlier), two sources close to the situation expressed that this was an unsafe environment for children, alleging there are unattended guns strewn around the home on Ezra’s property. It has been reported that there were eight assault weapons — one allegedly propped against stuffed animals.
It was reported: One source, who, like the other, requested anonymity for fear of retribution, recalled an instance where one of the children — a one-year-old — allegedly picked up a loose bullet and put it in her mouth.
There are reports of the property being an unlicensed marijuana farm, with allegations of adults using marijuana in front of the children with improper ventilation.
Claiming that her family has fled her abusive ex-partner and the father of her children, the unnamed mother has expressed gratitude for Ezra — who paid for the family’s transport from Hawaii to Vermont.
One more break in
According to s police report, Vermont State Police were notified of a burglary complaint from a residence in Stamford on May 1. Several bottles of alcohol were taken from the residence while the homeowners were not present.
After collecting statements and looking at surveillance videos, police found probable cause to charge Miller with felony burglary into an unoccupied dwelling.
A break
On August 15, 2022, a representative for Ezra released a statement to Variety in which they apologised for the past behaviour, stating that they had recently "gone through a time of intense crisis."
They began treatment for "complex mental health issues."
Now, Ezra Miller is the star of one of the biggest blockbusters of the year. This week they walked the red carpet at the premiere, their only promotional commitment for the film, because… Duh. They made a brief statement thanking the Director before retreating back into the shadows.
Luckily, it looks like the film is going to be a total flop. Another loss for DC, the Flop Universe.
Tori Spelling divorce (???)
Awful news to report today for the Spelling Bees out there (that’s the Tori Spelling fandom).
Fresh off of her family’s mould scandal, Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott have had their marriage ripped apart at the seams… Or have they?
Deany boy posted a breakup statement to his Instagram that read,
It’s with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and 5 amazing children, that @torispelling and I have decided to go our separate ways and start a new journey of our own,” McDermott, 56, wrote on Saturday, June 17. “We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time. We ask that you all respect our privacy as we take this time to surround our family with love and work our way through this. Thank you all for your support and kindness. 🙏.
Blah, blah, blah. After this news was then published by numerous outlets, it was almost immediately denied. Dean! Tori! Which is it?? Are you getting a divorce or are you fighting or is that damn mould just tearing you apart??? You cannawt post your own divorce statement and then take it back, sorry, that’s nutso behaviour. We have to be a little obsessed.
Categorising this tidbit between RATE and HATE has been difficult, as you can imagine, because on the one hand it’s sad to see people break up, but at the same time, this story is so messy I can’t look away.
Anyway, go stream Mother, May I Sleep With Danger.
An impolite gesture
Wild that it’s 2023, the peak of therapy-speak, and hardly anyone is able to effectively (albeit awkwardly) communicate to someone else when they have something amiss about their appearance. I’m talkin’ schmutz on the face, sleep in the eyes, food in the teeth. Where is the solidarity?
If you’re the kind of person that has got people walking around like Boo Boo The Fool because you’re too shy to tell them they have red wine mouth then I need you to take a log, hard look in the mirror. Do better. An awkward ten seconds is all it takes to save someone from getting home and finding parsley in their incisor from lunch. Ok???
See you on my Zoom etiquette lesson in ten.
Ok big hugs n kisses xxx