Yasou,
Oops, sorry! You’ll have to forgive me, I just spent six days galivanting in Greece and now I’m insufferable. I’d tell you more about it, but it’d just be gauche. Let’s just say a lot of filthy little Greek cats have been petted to hell.
Even when swinging from one souvlaki to another and getting utterly done in by ouzo, I’ve concocted a SWEETIE Weekly for you malakes.
💃 SWEETIE RATES 💃
Manners
Not to get all boomer on u, but, newsflash! Manners are in. I don’t mean crusty, dusty, boring manners like keep-your-elbows-off-the-dinner-table and not asking people how much money they make (this is how they keep the proletariat down) — I mean verbal manners.
Yah, yah, yah, you might think this is obvious and yawn/snooze/boring, but take a look around and you’ll be astounded by how many people simply do not ever say “please.” A sweet little “please” will get you everywhere. Not an “I’ll take a…”, not an “I’ll do the…”
NO.
Now you say “Can I please get…”, or I’ll chase you around with a gun. Elegance is learned, my friends.
Right now I think the sexist thing anyone can do is say “You’re so welcome” after receiving an expression of gratitude. But then again, my standards are pretty low.
Forever and Ever by Demis Roussos
I didn’t have much time to listen to music when I was in Greece, but everytime I popped my AirPods in I was absolutely blaring Forever and Ever by the dreamy Demis Roussos. A perfect song to yearn to.
Not for nothing, here is also a fascinating tale about how Demis was a hostage in the horrific 1985 TWA plane hijacking. What a guy.
Winking
Something about winking at someone feels so illicit, so saucy and goofy. Winking has long been maligned as an example of being creepy, but that just does not ring correct to me. Once you become a winker, there is no going back. Wink away, wink far, wink often.
Having a cheeky wink at someone makes me feel like Tom Cruise, except I don’t know what happened to Shelly Miscavige… Allegedly.
👁 SWEETIE HATES 👁
Long denim skirts
Enough is enough. I have sat idly by and let people enjoy their denim blankets for long enough. This is simply a bridge too far. Why are you out in the club dressing like a member of the Phelps family? I don’t exactly know why dressing like Lizzie McGuire is the style du jour right now, but I can’t handle it. Let your legs be FREE.
If aesthetics don’t err you, how about this: a long denim skirt is going to be a liability should you find yourself drowning while wearing it. Denim is a very heavy fabric and it will get waterlogged easily. Do you really want to run that risk? Drowning in a long denim skirt? Now look at you, you’re a ghost stuck in a long denim skirt forever, probably haunting Depop. Not ideal, I think.
Honey fraud
And here you are, thinking our biggest problem was climate change. Well it’s not, for your information, it’s honey fraud.
According to a new report from the European Commission’s Anti-Fraud Office (OLAF) and the Joint Research Centre (JRC), whatever the hell they are, revealed that 46% of the 320 samples of imported honey – taken randomly between November, 2021, and February, 2022 — constitute honey fraud.
“Wym?” I hear you say. Well:
According to the sampling and monitoring work carried out by the Brussels-based body, almost 50% of the honey from non-European countries is cut with sugar syrups made from rice, wheat or sugar beet.
That’s gross. I don’t like that at all. I like my honey pure and freshly oozed by a beautiful little soft bee. The real question is — what are we the people going to do about the honey fraud? No, I mean it. Can we do something, or is this just one of these things we have to accept, like climate change?
But hey, while we’re on the topic of honey, want to check out a sad but incredibly written longread about how New York bees making red honey led to the death of a cherry mogul?
Sinusitis
I had a really good time this week so it’s kind of hard for me to lean into being negative. That said, I have sinusitis again and I think that sucks if I’m being completely honest. Hope that’s not too political.
αντιο σας 🇬🇷