Hola,
As the weather here is increasingly bitter and frigid, thereโs a part of me that wishes I was back in Sydney for a day or two, choking down fresh oysters and cab sav and feeling the December sun beat down on my back.ย
Instead, Iโve been listening to The Best by Giggs and At Least Iโm Pretty by Harriette and eating the Tony's Chocolonely Dark Milk Pretzel Toffee that I keep in the freezer and keeping my ears warm and sinking pints and trying and failing and trying and succeeding and trying again.ย
If I had everything, I would have too much to be able to enjoy. Word to the wise, you canโt keep a good bitch down.ย Who do you think you are, I am.
Hereโs the newsletter.ย
๐ SWEETIE RATES ๐
Naughty Little Boy (NLB)
I am very fortunate in that Iโve never felt any real gender dysphoria. Well, except for sometimes when I watch old Eric Andre clips or listen to Blink 182 and realise Iโll never get to be a 20-year old boy who lives off of Dominos and tinnies but still has abs and sleeps until 3pm everyday.
Despite this, I still feel a frequent need to express myself in a style I call Naughty Little Boy. I guess you could just call it tomboy, or perhaps what it really is โ accidental queerbaiting โ but that doesnโt feel right. Naughty Little Boy isnโt just a set aesthetic, itโs a lifestyle, itโs a mode.ย
I donโt know how to explain the hold it has on me. Some days I just have to dress like a NLB. I donโt pick the day, the day picks me, and when I say I โhave toโ dress that way, I mean it. I do not spiritually feel right that day if I donโt give in and wear a hoodie or a cap, a sloppy menโs tee or Vans with thick white sport socks โ really anything that makes me look like I might throw rocks at cars from an overpass.
Itโs A.J. Soprano-coded. The key is that you have to emulate a horrible 12-year old who just heard Odd Future for the first time between a WWE Smackdown ad break.ย
You either get it, or you donโt. Kristen Stewart gets it. Jonah Hill gets it. Evan Mock gets it. I get it. Will you?ย
Hitchcock movies
This year I watched a bunch of Hitchcock films. It was a good and fine experience. I love his movies because I love stories where men get into situations โ quandaries and things of the sort. I love movies where you can tell which woman is good (pretty face) and which woman is bad (homely face). Itโs that simple. Iโm thinking about going into film criticism, by the way. Get the feeling I have a real knack for it.ย
You ever seen Rope? Thatโs some good shit right there! It has everything going for it โ my dream apartment, bisexual king Farley Granger, intrigue etc.ย
Did you know that Hitchcock was from Essex? I didnโt. I thought he was from Minnesota or something. Can you imagine what he sounded like? โScuse me miss, I fink we oughta do anover take, ye know whet I mean?โ Thatโs what I think he sounded like. Cinemaโs Gemma Collins.ย
The moon
The worst part about living in the UK, apart from the fact the fabric of its society is rapidly disintegrating in front of our eyes, is that the oft-overcast evenings mean I canโt see the moon. Itโs probably my favourite celestial body!
If youโre ever feeling sad I need you to go somewhere that you can look directly at the moon, then ask it a question. The moon will answer. I donโt advise that you do the same with the sun, but at the same time, I canโt tell you what to do ๐
๐น SWEETIE HATES ๐น
Being called Meg-uhn
I really, really hate being called Meg-uhn. I wish I were a chill person who could let this slide, but I canโt. Iโm not chill. Iโm tightly wound, like a sexy Jack-in-a-box. The experience of being called Meg-uhn is so blood-boilingly frustrating I donโt even know where to shelve my angst. I can only imagine how much worse it is for people whose non-Anglo names are getting butchered on the regular, because this shit sucks.ย ย
What gets me is the smug unwillingness of literally almost everyone in the UK to identify me correctly. Every day someone asks my name, could be someone from IT, a new acquaintance, โMee-ganโ. I say, my way, the right way, โOh, nice to meet you Meg-uhn.โ they reply, almost without fail. That, or a simple, cutting โWhat?โ Iโve taken to saying โMegan. Like Tegan. Like vegan.โ โOh.โ they say, โ...Sure.โย
Excuse me?? Bitch, thatโs my NAME. Iโm so sorry you donโt like it. I did not pick it. If I had picked a name, I would not have picked one that would align me numerologically with the major challenge number of 0 โ which means I will allegedly endure all of the ascribed challenges life has to offer. I believe that too, by the way. Thatโd actually explain a lot.ย
The thing is, I donโt even like my name. I never have. But this is what I got. In conclusion, my DMs are open for any new name suggestions because I honestly cannot take it anymore. Though, truly, I donโt know what I expected from people who pronounce yoghurt as โyog-ert.โย
Ceiling lights
Christ alive, how are we making it so AI can invent their own language and that you can use a drone to merk someone from across the globe, but we canโt seem to evolve ceiling light technology? Itโs been getting dark so early I keep trying to eat dinner at 4pm, but the worst part, by far, is having to turn the lights on. Ceiling lights are so ugly!ย
Why do they have to be soโฆ Bright? What happened to dimmers? Must my eyes be assaulted? Must my burgeoning jowls be highlighted so profoundly in down lighting? I feel like hissing every time someone flips the switch. No more ceiling lights. Iโm about to start walking around the flat with a lit candle and a starched nightcap, saying โWho goes there?โ I canโt take this anymore.ย
Emrata x Pete Davidson
Yawn. Iโm yawning! This is an eye-wateringly dull match. I donโt buy it for a second. This is the lamest public setup since Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes were wandering the streets with those stupid mugs. Celebrity culture is dead in a ditch and this is proof.
If you pay attention to her for five seconds, you can tell that Emily Ratakowjski keeps an eagle-eyed watch over the publicโs perception of her. She was happy to date Brad Pitt until enough people yelled at her online. Sheโs not stupid. She capitalised on her appearance in a music video nine years ago and now sheโs more famous than the man whose video the song was for.ย
Pete Davidson, on the other hand, isโฆ riding that train all the way to the last station. He literally just keeps winning. Imagine being negged on the internet so hard about being mid that you end up dating Kim Kardashian. That's actually incredibly deft manoeuvring. Yet, I remain unmoved.ย
These two are very thirsty. I donโt even mean that in a rude way, I mean it in the way that water is wet and night follows day. Of course theyโre doing this. But do you think anyone gives a single hoot? I think maybe, like, five people outside of their respective teams?
Hey, you know who is having a genuinely interesting rumoured relationship? Shawn Mendes and his 50-year old chiropractor.ย
Also I just want to say that when I was writing this I spelled Ratajkowski correctly in almost one go. Iโm smart! And I also take care to say it correctly. People can be very sensible about how their names are spelled, even pronounced, I hear.ย
See you later!!!ย
Or not. Hehe.ย
MWAH xxxx