Hello everyone,
I took a sabbatical from TikTok this week, for many reasons, and I feel… Not very different to be honest.
The abject meanness of the internet has been getting to me lately. Very rich coming from me, I understand. I was kind of hoping that my restraint would suddenly fix my brain, but it did not. When I logged back on I found that not only had I not missed much, the content I did miss was mostly dull as hell.
Have you ever quit a major social media platform for forever? Facebook doesn’t count btw, that’s just sane. Let me know.
Anyway, SWEETIE Weekly incoming.
🤡 SWEETIE RATES 🤡
Mira Fujita’s Pierrot
I’m sorry, truly, if you know me and I have already talked your ear off about how much I love this crazy ass clown. Perhaps I am a little bit guilty of letting hyperfixations take over significant real estate in my brain. I’ve only said I was perfect, like, three to five times in my life.
I have a fondness for clowns (see: dating history) but Pierrot is my favourite by a country mile. Obsessive, foolish, prone to dramatics and bursts of loneliness, often crude and unlucky, Pierrot has relatability in spades. What I love most about him though, are these androgynous renderings by Mira Fujita that make me strangely emotional.
Here, Pierrot is a beautiful eunuch. The milky skin, the gorgeous face paint, those glistening, yearning eyes. With Marlene Dietrich eyebrows and a placid, dreamy expression, he is stripped of his historical foolishness and gifted a fresher, more angelic aura. Gaze upon the clown and try to deny how much you’re moved by him. He is not the object of ridicule in these depictions, he is beyond reproach, otherworldly and graceful.
The Pierrot Pinterest board I made is not enough. I need to get a tattoo of the clown. I need to buy every single piece of Pierrot iconography on Etsy, or at least this lamp. I already own one Pierrot ceramic figure. It’s not enough. I must become the clown. It is the only way.
Sudoku
Playing Sudoku is certified cutie behaviour. I always thought that it was some ancient Japanese puzzle, with a storied history and a long legacy. NO. It’s not. At all. Sudoku is allegedly based on an old French puzzle but was reinvisioned in the 1970’s by a retired 74-year-old man called Howard from Indiana. Isn’t that the most Sudoku story you’ve ever heard?
The name is shortened from the Japanese word 独身 (“Dokushin”) to mean ‘unmarried person’... umm 🚨me alert! 🚨 Could we be any better a match?
In 2008, an Australian drug trial that cost over $1M AUD was canned because someone discovered that five of the twelve jurors had been playing Sudoku instead of listening to the evidence!!! Loooove my home country. Go off.
Hope you were in the mood for some Sudoku facts 🙂 You should play it while The Bridges Of Madison County is on in the background.
Adjectives
Something they teach you in writing school (not a real place) is that you should use adjectives sparingly. Boring! What a boring rule. Why did I go to the trouble of learning all of those words if I’m not even supposed to use them?
I love adjectives and I don’t care if they’re onerous or trite. See, two great adjectives right there. Say what you mean, mean what you say. I just want to take as long as possible to say it.
😈 SWEETIE HATES 😈
Bleachers’ Anti-Hero Remix
Anti-Hero is already a bitterly disappointing song (and a poor choice of a lead single) thanks to Taylor Swift’s all-consuming obsession with playing both the victim and the villain in every facet of her public life. It’s not a new fixation, it’s been an effective narrative for her since Mean and Better Than Revenge, except now she has to force us to listen to Bleachers while she’s at it? A bridge too far.
Taylor and Jack Antonoff are taking the absolute piss here. “Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby” was already shite personified, then Jack just had to go take his glasses ass up to the microphone and sing “Sometimes I feel like everybody is an art bro lately. And I just judge them on the hill…” WHAT? What the hell is that??? The song’s theme is meant to play into insecurity, not your own judgements. If you’re looking for something to worry about Jack, there’s always the Lorde Powerpoint.
They’re right. They are the problem. Clearly, nobody is saying “no” to either of them at this point, they are aiding and abetting each other’s laziest musical instincts. Instead of doing literally all of this, I wish Jack and Taylor had just gone into the booth and recorded the world’s longest, loudest raspberry.
Love is Blind finale & reunion (spoilers hehe)
YIKES. I sincerely hope Netflix has invested more in a team of skilled therapists than they did in those conference hall weddings because… Wow. Dark!
I would like to call in a welfare check for Colleen at the very least, organise a mutual restraining order for Zanab and Cole and have Brennon and Alexa shut the fuck up for just two seconds. Raven and SK can do whatever they want and I would lap it up like a little crusty-eyed dog.
Not for nothing, I did witness on TikTok (pre-sabbatical, obv) that Bartise knowingly referred to Andrew Tate by his ‘Top G’ nickname which explains… everything and then some. Nancy is a landlord. So, a great showing by all. Thanks Netflix. See you next year.
Okay, so I don’t technically hate Max, I see his infinite value as a living being. But I am so, so scared of him. I think he has such a bad attitude and a demonic vibe. His screeching, those uncanny turns of the head, it’s all honestly chilling stuff.
Once I got bitten by a relative’s white cockatoo because I put my finger in the cage to see what would happen, and of course, it immediately chomped down. It hurt, so I went to tell my mum and she said “Well, you shouldn’t have put your finger in the cage.” She was right. I did it again another time with one of the galahs and it also bit me. I was STILL surprised.
The moral of the story is, I will never learn my lesson and Max would execute someone point blank if he had access to a gun.
That’s all.
xxxxxx