Hi ๐
Iโm feeling very boring lately. The Euros have ended and my sport era has come to a close. I don't care for the Olympics (except gymnastics), not because of any ideological reasons, but because I just think theyโre dull. It doesnโt resonate. Sorry. Love their tracksuits though. Instead I am barrelling through season 14 of RHOC and working my way through John Carpenterโs filmography while pretending not to be scared.ย
๐ SWEETIE RATES ๐
Couscous salad
If you see me looking lost, happy, concerned, distant, morose, excited or focused, itโs because Iโm thinking about couscous salad. It is the last thread I have to sew me into reality. It is my only source of ongoing inspiration and happiness. Couscous salad, I fear, is what is helping me put one foot in front of the other.
Itโs a simple concoction. The base is wholemeal couscous, of course, with chopped cucumber and fresh tomato, but everything from there is up to interpretation. There are hundreds of combinations I could make on any given day, and thatโs what makes life with couscous salad so exciting.
Perhaps one day the cheese will be halloumi, then feta the next day, then chunks of goat's cheese the day after. The allium could be diced shallot or spring onion or pickled red onion. Will there be spinach, or no spinach? Lentils, chickpeas or butter beans? Will the dressing be a zesty classic made of extra virgin olive oil, lots of lemon juice and then spiked with Lao Gan Ma? Or warmed with hot honey and even hotter mustard? Or will I reach for a generous scoop of Chimichurri to throw in instead? I just donโt know until I get in the zone. What an intoxicating life I lead. This is it.ย
Dynamic duo
One: Adam โAbsurdโ Levine and Jake โStinkyโ Gyllenhaal have been friends since they were wee babes. Two: Jake Gyllenhaal was one of the first people to hear Maroon 5โs seminal hit/one of my favourite karaoke songs She Will Be Loved. Iโm now thinking of the two of them hanging out over the yearsโฆ gazing into reflective surfacesโฆ haughtyโฆ scanning the Victoriaโs Secret catalogue for the purposes of manifestationโฆ Adam telling Jake tales of his time as a writerโs assistant on the TV show Judging AmyโฆI know it smells crazy in thereโฆย
Anyway, Jake Gyllenhaal has said of Maroon 5, โTheir music was written with the intention of being listened to by many, many, many people,โ he added. โAnd now it is.โ Thatโs a diss, no?ย
Flop incoming
Maybe Iโm a bad person, but the trailer for A Complete Unknown looks like such inane, piddly Oscar bait that I couldnโt help but emit a little giggle upon watching it. Complete Jackie Jormp-Jomp vibes. Timothรฉeโs impression of Bob Dylanโs voice sounds like that zipper video of Miley Cyrus, and the sunken eye makeup makes him look like heโs in a primary school production of My Left Foot.
See you in the cinema.ย
๐๐ป SWEETIE HATESย ๐๐ป
OK and?
After his character famously died in an explosion at a penis factory, former Iron Man actor Robert Downey Jr is back in the Marvel universe. It was announced at San Diego Comic-Con that heโll now be playing a guy called Doctor Doom, and everybody has to be happy about it.
Itโs giving:
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This is so desperate on Marvel Studiosโ behalf. Seeing this gave me the same kind of ennui that I feel when I see someone posting on r/bodylanguage to ask if a colleague avoiding eye contact with them means they have a crush on them. They donโt.
Ballerina Farms
Hannah Neeleman of the dizzyingly popular lifestyle brand @ballerinafarms was profiled by Megan Agnew of The Sunday Times this past week, with a subsequent follow up with even more detail. In case youโre not sure who that is or why sheโs worth profiling, Neeleman has become the ostensible face of the Trad Wife movementโa deeply reductive way of life that sees women maintaining to โtraditionalโ roles in the home and making content which extols the virtues of returning to gender roles, even if only through dog whistles.
Hannah Neeleman is a pretty, blonde, skinny 34 year-old former-ballerina-cum-beauty-queen living in rural Utah. She has seven children, six of which she birthed without pain relief, and millions and millions of followers across TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. She is a devout Mormon. She is married to the scion of a billion dollar empire. As the piece unfolds, the visage of Neeleman as a thriving, divine wife who chose her path begins to fragment and fall apart.ย
This is not a cautionary tale. This is a horror film. Incredible reporting by Agnew, restrained enough to avoid outright judgement, but sharp enough to pull every minute detail into focus. Very fascinating. Ghoulishly sad. Itโs paywalled, so, try this.
The final frontierย
Boeing has been having a lot of problems lately, FYI. Having not one but two whistleblowers set to testify against them turning up dead hasnโt helped, neither has the news that two astronauts are trapped in space, alive thankfully, because their Starliner capsule is malfunctioning. Because the two test pilots, Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams, canโt figure out what exactly is wrong with the Boeing-built vessel, they are stuck in orbit on the International Space Station. They were meant to return in mid-June, just in time for Brat Summer.
Per The Independent, Nasa had initially said that the spacecraft would be safe for a 45 day-long trip. That limit has since been exceeded, with no current end date for their mission. Using context clues and films I have seen, I have my suspicions that being stuck in space is a bad thing.ย
While I think theyโre going to come home safe, hopefully with a generous โgiftโ in their bank accounts from Boeing, I canโt help but think about the dynamic at play between Wilmore and Williams. They deserve the payout for being stuck with a colleague for that longโespecially a fellow astronaut. Those people are insane!ย
BONNE NUIT