Hey cutie,
Has anyone told you that you’re looking great today? Really glowy and gorgeous. Have you been doing anything different? It’s working!
There’s a full moon on the 6th of April, by the way. Pencil it into your calendar 🌝
Ready for another diatribe? Let’s get it.
🙂 SWEETIE RATES 🙂
This haiku
I lost a lot during my Saturn return and walked away from the period quite like an action hero walking away from an explosion, my back turned, my gaze fixed, my heart hardened. When I first saw this haiku, Barn's burnt down by Mizuta Masahide, shortly after the chaos had wrapped up, I was struck.
Translated, it reads:
My barn having burned to the ground
I can see the moon.
An alternative translation, the one I prefer because it is more poetic for a Western philistine, is:
Since my house burned down
I now own a better view
of the rising moon
Sometimes, truly, your life needs to fall apart to take a better shape. I had been trying so hard to hold onto ashes that I couldn’t bring myself to look up to see my new view. You can never lose something that was yours to keep. Embrace your rising moon.
Otherworld
As a day-one YBS Head, I was bummed when the Yeah But Still podcast came to a close earlier this year. Luckily, my favoured half of the YBS duo, Jack Wagner, has emerged with a worthy podcast to take its place. Otherworld is a true-spook podcast that delves into the paranormal, with Jack reporting on real people’s experiences with all things eerie.
Funny, fascinating and yes, even a little scary, this podcast couldn’t be any more perfect for long walks, plane trips or as an aural accompaniment to emptying the dishwasher. The theme music slaps, the subjects are both wide-ranging and compelling and the pod itself is clearly a labour of love as much as it is an outlet for Jack’s genuine interest in exploring the unknown.
Whether Jack is investigating gnomes, demons or ghosts, you’re gonna be hanging on to every astonishing word. Standout episodes for me include The Ball of Light Pt 1 and 2, Obscure Gods and Kareem and the Djin.
Neroli
In my mind and my manifestations, it is warm and the sun is shining on my shoulders and everything smells like neroli. Everyone should smell like neroli. Everything should smell like neroli all the time. It should be government-mandated.
Picture a world where we’ve replaced D*or S*uvage with a pure, floral harmony. Neroli smells like the Garden of Eden. I would know — I’ve been! But don’t tell anyone.
Everybody who is a hottie this summer is going to be wearing a neroli-heavy fragrance. I stg!
😾 SWEETIE HATES 😾
The severe lack of naughty energy
What’s up with the glaring lack of April Fools content this year? Have we had enough? Are we in a recession of joy? Have brands clinging to relevance on social media all but killed the day itself? Am I just a sullen baby who refuses to grow up and get a grip?
There is a severe lack of naughty energy lately. It’s blowing on the wind and I feel it in my waters. I’m worried. It feels like nobody is being impish anymore.
Please, this is my call to arms, we need to preserve the delicate art of pranking before it’s too late! Quick, text someone and tell them that Joe says “Hi” and when they say “Who is Joe?” say “Joe Mama!!!” The balance of life itself depends on it!!!
Skorts
I bet you thought skirt chat was over, and guess what babe, you were wrong. I’m only just getting started.
I’m going to need every single skort to get the fuck outta my face right now. Though, I suppose they only kind-of count as skirts on a technicality. It’s trickery and it’s tomfoolery, black magic in its most insidious form. Do you know how many kinds of skorts they’re selling on Zara’s online store right now? I’ve done the due diligence to check for you, and I stopped counting after I hit 60. Untenable.
I want my SKIRT to be a SKIRT and my SHORTS to be SHORTS — none of this half-half strangeling bullshit.
Crumpets
Flop food. Cardboard-coded. Brings down any condiment they’re served with. They’re terrible! They’re the Camila Cabello of breakfast foods. I can’t elaborate.
Mwah mwah, superstar xxxx