I hope you don’t mind indulging me as I open this week by sharing some powerful words from an Australian poet.
There’s a new wind blowin’ like I’ve never known
I’m breathin’ deeper than I’ve ever done
And it sure feels good
To finally feel the way I do…
Spring is around the corner, cuties, and I am coming alive! Will the good mood last? That’s my personal business.
Anyways.
🤩 SWEETIE RATES 🤩
The memeing of The Good Doctor
Yes — The Good Doctor is absurdly, artistically offensive. Yet it’s genuinely hard to think of recent meme fodder that has made me laugh harder. Each new clip I’ve seen and each new plotline I learn about have me both splitting my sides and feeling profoundly puzzled. Freddie Highmore’s depiction of an autistic doctor is so uniquely distasteful it’s almost admirable. Why is he doing this???
The meme of the week kicked off with someone sharing a clip from an episode with a brash misgendering incident. Then came “I am a surgeon.” Then the valorisation of Daniel Dae Kim’s character Dr Han. Then “you have cancer” was uncovered. The birth suite C3PO walk soon emerged. Then The Good Doctor learns about phone sex. It’s all too much to take.
Unfortunately, to seemingly atone for his sins committed against people with ASD, Freddie Highmore has supported Autism Speaks — who are literally terrible.
Anyway, The Good Doctor will soon have seven seasons. The same amount as Just Shoot Me! Isn’t that fun?
He Wasn’t Man Enough by Toni Braxton
Once a month or so, I will wake up in the morning with a song in my head. “That’s normal,” you say. No it isn’t. It’s different. I’m different. A specific part of the song will loop endlessly, so crisp, so clear, so stubbornly placed in the front of my brain that each song will linger for days, even weeks. Crowded in with all of my regular thoughts will be a blaring song I usually haven’t heard for years — Millennium by Robbie Williams was a recent particular sticker.
Lately, a new song has moved into my brain, the 2000 hit He Wasn’t Man Enough by Toni Braxton. I’m not mad about it!
Toni Braxton is the founder and principal of the School for Marble-Mouthed Divas, faithful pupils of which include Ariana Grande, SZA, Sia and Jorja Smith. It doesn’t matter what she’s saying, she could be singing a washing machine’s care manual as far as I’m concerned, she FEELS the lyrics.
As do her backup singers — I’ve never heard a chorus more utterly incredulous in my life. Do you know I made him LEAVE? Do you know he begged to STAY… with ME? Yes, I believe it 100%!
Sing with as much energy and gesticulations as you can scrounge up and then try and tell me you don’t feel wholly alive. This is the ideal soundtrack for a soon-to-be divorcée careening through a McDonald’s drive through after a successful meeting with her divorce lawyer.
Coincidentally, you know who else has an affiliation with Autism Speaks? TONI BRAXTON. Except now she says her son isn’t autistic anymore? Ok then!
Throwing around your laptop
Love doing this. Love lobbing my laptop onto a soft surface like a bed or a lounge or a cushion. It makes me feel so powerful. It’s satisfying every single time. I don’t believe it when people talk about how money can’t buy you happiness, because it can buy you a laptop, and you can throw that laptop around, wherever you want, whenever you want.
Fair warning, you have to practise caution when you do this with your phone. I threw my phone onto my bed the other week and it bounced off, hit the floor and smacked right into my ankle, causing me much pain and also embarrassment, even though I was alone. I was bested by an iPhone 11. My laptop would never do that.
👺 SWEETIE HATES 👺
Succession ending
So dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay. Today we are pouring one out for prestige television with the tragic ending of Succession. I don’t want it to go.
Even though I don’t understand approximately 65% of the dialogue at any given time, I just love seeing these crazy, horrible billionaires fighting about stocks and boards and trauma.
In honour of it ending, here are some leaving thoughts and feelings:
I actually really liked the New Yorker profile on Jeremy Strong. How rare, in a sea of sanitised celebrity profiles, to have something that actually showcases a public figure’s true idiosyncrasies. I foresee at least one aggressive Academy Award For Your Consideration campaign in the next decade, Melissa Leo style, within the next 15 years.
Sarah Snook, you will always be famous. Rundle Mall legend.
WHAT HAPPENED TO TABITHA?
Is Alan Ruck the most handsome Roy brother? Or am I just a lost Conhead?
Nicholas Braun is going to have a difficult time on the upcoming press tour for the film adaptation of Cat Person considering the subject matter and him being exposed as acting gross toward teenage girls. No longer cushioned by Succession and the novelty of being very tall, he will probably dip out of the public eye and have to lay low at Ray’s for at least a couple of years.
Justice for Mondale.
Arian Moayed call me, I just wanna talk :)
Al Capone’s real voice
Wow, I hate this. Wish I could take back ever having clicked play on this Godless video. He sounds like an idiot, a downright dolt.
This sounds like an accent I’d attempt after washing back two Long Island Iced Teas but before falling down some stairs. At least now we know where TikToker/alleged accent faker Mikayla got her inspiration from.
Eurovision
This might be my most cancel-adjacent take yet. Eurovision? Snoozefest. It’s just not grabbing me. Sorry, everyone.
I wish I cared more, I really do. I wish I cared about the musical output of Lithuania, or the zaniest outfits Estonia can muster, or which pop d-lister Australia has shipped out, but I just simply do not have it in me. There’s something about the whole affair that is imbued with an emptiness I can’t seem to appropriately convey.
You either get it, or you don’t, and I just don’t. Congrats to Sweden though. Very… Loud.
Thanks! For! That!