Hello…
I am writing this, obviously, at the tail end of April, and I can no longer hide my glee about it almost being over. After taking this whole month off drinking, I can safely say… I did not enjoy that.
Usually I relish in taking a break from drinking, but let me tell you, I am r e a d y for a glass of wine, perhaps a beaujolais, acid reflux be damned, and I am ready to wake up feeling a little crappy, and tired, and puffy, with a fire burning in my chest and an uneasy feeling in my tum. It’s time. If wine is good enough for Jesus (heard of him?) it’s good enough for me.
I’ll let you know next week, where I’m sure I’ll be typing this from a gutter, or jail.
Until then…
🪐 SWEETIE RATES 🪐
Skipping down memory lane
Dominic West has spoken to the Sunday Times, in an interview I will not link to because it’s paywalled and that pissed me awfffff, about his Roman rendezvous with former costar Lily James in 2020. In case you don’t remember, a married Dominic was snapped looking ~cosy~ with Lily in Italy during 2020, they got busted by the paparazzi, and denials ensued.
Here’s his take on it four years later:
“I hesitate to speak on my wife’s behalf because it was obviously horrible, particularly for her,” he said. “But we do joke about it sometimes. Because whenever we went out together, the papers would always say we were ‘putting on a show of unity’.
“Even if we’d just been rowing about parking the car or whatever, even if that couldn’t be further from the truth. And so when we go out we do sort of say, ‘Shall we go out and have a show of unity up in London?’”
Enamoured by his delusions. Nothing screams “Nothing to see here!” like making oh-so jovial, overwrought jokes about a misstep that most people forgot about.
I say most people, because after all, I didn’t forget. How could I? Dominic’s alleged affair and subsequent bizarre press tour about the whole thing — alongside his aristocratic wife — gave us perhaps what is the single greatest photograph of a celebrity ever. I’d love to look at it together.
Incredible. I honestly think about this photo weekly. This is what I was put on earth to experience. I think I might make it my lockscreen.
One to watch
Lana Del Rey has an ugly new watch worth $460,000 USD and everyone needs to look at it.
It looks like a gumball machine threw up. If her music is to be believed, then her taste in jewellery is even worse than her taste in men 🙁
Maybe I’m being rude, and she is actually using the watch to engage and delight her inner child. I know for a fact that if I saw this in an Avon catalogue in the mid-2000’s I would’ve been sick to my stomach with material desire. Wait. Can you lend me $460,000 USD?
From one supervillain to another
Perhaps I must take back what I said last week about the clunky writing Ms Swift sprinkled across TTPD. I’ve seen some content (my one love and guiding light in this world) that has given new life to lyrics I found so cringe that my whole body constricted when I first heard them, so now I think I have to re-evaluate.
TikToker @voiceturtle rapped lyrics from The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived and So High School as MF DOOM, and….. This makes perfect sense?
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This goes HARD. Devastatingly, I now have no choice but to stan. R.I.P MF Doom and R.I.P my smugness.
🌪 SWEETIE HATES 🌪
II MOST WANTED: A NEW ART DIRECTOR
The cover art for Beyonce’s mid song II MOST WANTED featuring Miley Cyrus has been released. And it looks… like that!
Baby what iz this? This editing reminds me of when I was 15 and I would take a selfie on my digital camera, upload it to the family computer and keep adding saturation to the image until my eyes were the colour of Nickelodeon slime. A couple of clicks later and BOOM, I had a new Bebo profile picture.
Who are these people? If I could travel back in time to 2014 and make myself guess who I think these two women pictured are, I would be utterly stumped. Justice for buccal fat! And real teeth! And noses! And natural lips! And upper eyelid skin! And closing your mouth!
Paging Esther Perel!
Kristen Bell FaceTimed her husband, Dax Shepard, from her dermatologist's office, high on some kind of gas, face freshly pricked by some kind of injectable, and he used this opportunity to screen record her and then make a video about it with a weird tone. The results are… uncomfortable.
You can’t convince me that these two don’t secretly despise each other. This depressed me on a soulful level, almost as much as when they kept talking about how they had rotting protein shake in their bed but they couldn’t tell for ages because their farts are so rancid. ALMOST.
Hounded
One of the more disappointing films within the genre that I’ve seen lately. Derivative plot, poorly-acted, continuity errors, animal cruelty (making an animal pretend they’re a cop), and pacing issues. 3/10.
Great comment section, though:
Arrivederciiiiiiii