Happy St Patrick’s Day! Raising a glass of imaginary Guinness out of respect. May the wonderful nation of Ireland stay strong and stay prosperous.
I’m writing this in between watching Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour and eating a fistful of Maoams. One of these things gave me heartburn, but I’m just not sure which.
Shall we get into the weekly? Yeah. Probably should.
💚 SWEETIE RATES 💚
Stan v Stan
Sometimes I look at the world around me and can’t help but feel complete despair. But through war, fascism, climate change, the biggest wealth gap since the gilded age and this season of Vanderpump Rules, I must find tiny morsels of joy wherever I can. Luckily, to keep me going for a little while longer, I have learned that a Nicki Minaj fan flew from LA to Phoenix to visit a Dua Lipa fan’s home to settle an online feud. The commitment is incredible. They’re having a mid-off!
After beefing on Twitter/X, Minaj fan David Corales made the extremely normal decision to visit Dua Lipa fan Kenzo’s house to film videos outside. How did Corales find Kenzo’s address, you wonder? Kenzo himself posted it, daring people to show up. Silly games, silly prizes.
After Corales showed up and made some kind-of amusing content outside of his house, Kenzo called the cops. Corales was not arrested, and lives to beef another day. This would be an amazing enemies-to-lovers Amazon Prime original. I think the moral of the story is — don’t mess with Barbz. They mean business.
Gigi and Braddy C
Gigi Hadid and Bradley Cooper are kissing at a restaurant. At Queer Eye diva Antoni Porowski’s 40th birthday dinner. Outside. In New York. They definitely, definitely, definitely don’t know they’re being photographed by paparazzi.
Kicking my feet in the air and giggling because it’s been a while since we’ve seen such a bland concocted-for-PR relationship. The Kaley Cuoco and Henry Cavill match-up of this decade. Two boring and good-looking people have found solace in each other, and we have the long lens photography to prove it. Clearly all the good lenses are being used to constantly photograph Callum Turner and Dua Lipa at a very close range on their tightly-scheduled pap appearances.
Who knows what they’ll do next. Hug at brunch? Hold hands at happy hour? Try on the Maestro prosthetics and play footsies at CAVA? Time will tell.
Heems x Lapgan
I know it’s only March, but I’ve really thought about it, and I think LAFANDAR by Heems and Lapgan might just be the album of the year. Idk! That’s just what I think. I hope that’s okay.
🐸 SWEETIE HATES 🐸
Nothing Compares
Hello, Garda? There’s been a crime against the Irish, just in time for St Patrick’s Day. This week Mattel released a first look at their Sinead O’Connor Bratz doll, created in commemoration of “Women’s Month.” It’s so tasteless I’m almost impressed.
This isn’t Sinead, this is a zoomer who gave me a rude look at the Dalston car boot once. The woman hasn’t even been deceased for a year and her image has already been remodelled into a thick-lipped, high-titted, plastic simulacrum. What’s in the mouth-shaped handbag, a picture of the pope?
Luckily, the Bratz account is responding to people respectfully in the comment section of their announcement post.
Well. Never mind.
Paul Things
Girl, QQ, what the hell is this?
I saw this photo while scrolling through Instagram — an app I have a 15-minute limit on per day — and after I saw this, I realised 15-minutes might be too much. I placed my phone face-down. I’d seen enough.
This photo has radicalised me. It has almost single-handedly vanquished my warm (probably reciprocated) feelings for Paul Mescal. In fact, I hate to say it, it might have even given me ~the ick~.
Respectfully, he looks like a cartoon rat that came to life and became an old-timey slumlord. It’s the glasses. I hate those stupid little glasses.
Omg so sad
‘I’m embarrassed to rely on my parents’: the downside of handouts from the ‘bank of mum and dad’
Won’t anybody think of the people whose parents can afford to give them money to buy property and then they get to buy property and own a property :( they’re embarrassed :( soooo mad and upset for them right now that I’m shaking my fist at the sky. Damn you!!!
Lighting a candle on my altar (rented) and hoping they feel better soon, in the comfort of their own homes, which they own.
Byeeeeee