Here I am. Here we are. Another week.
This week I accidentally messed up my sleep pattern, one quick scroll down will give away why, and now I feel like an unmoored elder.
I am also feeling unusually drained by the different discourses we hit rapid fire this week — Bucket Bunnies, The Try Guys, Kanye, Kanye again, all of which I, of course, have to dedicate precious brain space to. I don’t have a choice! It’s a lot.
But here I am, persisting, with another SWEETIE Weekly.
🤩 SWEETIE RATES 🤩
The Sims 4
In the past few days I decided I’d try to use the Sims 4 to take the edge off my late night TikTok addiction. This turned out to be like using heroin to get off heroin.
I have a weird 👀 habit of vainly making a Sim that looks like me, but better, and then relentlessly pushing her towards in-game success. I think that’s probably a good and normal thing to do. It’s truly amazing what I could do if I applied that level of temerity in my real life. Sadly, we will never know. I’m too busy renovating my Sim’s bathroom for the fourth time.
Ballet flats
Ballet flats are coming back and the TikTok girlies are Big Mad about it. I like them! I’m glad they’re re-emerging, sometimes a lady just needs a flat shoe that is more upscale than a sneaker but doesn’t require the painstaking upkeep of a pedicure.
Plus, being on the internet for the last few years has opened my eyes to how many freaks love seeing a woman’s pair of dogs in an open-toe sandal. No thanks. Time is ripe for an alternative and Matilda Djerf is already leading the charge, thank God.
The One by Kylie Minogue
A psychic advised me once that “The more you do, the less you’re seen,” and I can’t help but feel like she was actually talking to still-underrated queen Kylie Minogue (Our Kylie) and not me.
Even on her tenth album, X, Kylie was still delivering bangers like The One. This song makes me feel like I’m levitating. The swelling of the chorus feels like sighting an oasis in a cruel desert. It makes my spine tingle.
After all she has done for us, an AO and an OBE is not enough. We need to build a Kylie altar and buy her a Christmas present. She needs recognition, she deserves to be truly SEEN.
🖕 SWEETIE HATES 🖕
Tattoos
Tattoos are out. All of them, even the cool and sexy ones. Sorry, everyone!
I’ve recently decided that having no tattoos is incredibly chic and it has nothing to do with how embarrassed I am about one of mine (no, not the wishbone — don’t you dare).
I wish to take the pictures off my body. Will I? No, it’s too late. Will I get more? Yeah. But the whole time I get them I’ll know I’m being cringe. Another one of life’s special little hypocrisies.
Drinking water
I used to love drinking 3 litres of water a day and now I hate it. What a waste of time. What a waste of water! Why must we make the choice between constantly needing to pee or abject dehydration? I despise the constant maintenance it takes to comfortably be alive.
Nancy Landgraab
Who tf does this bitch think she is? She swans around at her wont, bringing shame to her cuck husband and fugly son. She has bad vibes and she desperately needs a toner for that yellow blonde, but I have to hand it to her, she has an incredible body.
A begrudging icon, an Oasis Springs fixture.
Love ya! See ya!