Hello,
No time to mess around. Can’t spend time writing an intro. It’s definitely not because I don’t have anything remotely interesting to say. Anything but that.
Ready spaghetti?
🌈 SWEETIE RATES 🌈
Swifty listy
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are doing things together, and people won’t shut up about it. This odd dalliance is getting more press than the war in Ukraine. It’s ridiculous at this point. You can’t even read about a big disgusting sea creature without a cheap SEO grab by the journalist.
However, if Deux Moi is to be believed — and she very rarely should be — this is simply adorable.
Having a team member write you a cheat sheet for your PR relationship’s new boyfriend’s job is one of the most endearing rich person activities I’ve ever seen. Taylor Swift has four Capricorn placements, OK? She HAS to know her shit. And I trust, now, that she does.
I will say, though, I don’t think Taylor is cut out to date a jock. She needs to stick to men with an artistic, insufferable soul. Girlie pop, some of us need to stick to the rivers and lakes that we’re used to (softbois with Mubi tote bags and a bottle of Graza olive oil) and stay away from unfamiliar territory (jocks with CTE and a long list of ex-girlfriends they called fat).
At least Travis shut down a restaurant to spend time with Taylor. I took a chance on a jock once and all I got in return was one thing — trauma.
Pumpkin spice
Something strange is happening to me over the course of my adult life. Instead of starting out optimistic and open to life before becoming jaded and bitter, I have mostly followed the opposite course. Now I better understand life’s simple truths, and I am happier for it. The sun really does make you feel good. Christmas really can be fun. Exercising really does make you feel better. Enjoying pumpkin spiced delights really is a wonderful way to enjoy the transition into winter.
So yeah, I’m big into the PS lifestyle. Not trying to brag. Just trying to be myself. Not content with just an iced pumpkin spice latte with whipped cream from Starbs, I have also acquired pumpkin spiced oat milk for my chia puddings. It’s simply divine. I even tried, in vain, to buy a reasonably-priced pumpkin spice-scented candle — before realising there are a lot of freaks like me on the internet who had the same idea locked in months ago. The best candles are almost exclusively sold out across the board. Don’t worry, I’ll most definitely check again later.
I’m shifting into cosy mode. I can hear the Gilmore Girls theme song already. Where you lead….. I will follow…..
This TikToker
Try as I might, I can’t tear myself away from TikTok. I know it’s bad for me. I’m certain that it’s detrimentally affecting my mental faculties. But while I’m breaking my brain, I may as well have a good time.
That’s why I love @joelbaby. He’s just a guy whose cat (named Breeze) loves being in the bath. He only occasionally posts, and it’s just content about his cat’s love of being in water, set to the chillest voiceover known to humankind. That’s all. And I think that’s beautiful.
🤦🏼♀️ SWEETIE HATES 🤦🏼♀️
Kendall x Bad Bunny x Gucci
Kendall Jenner and her boyfriend Bad Bunny are in a Gucci campaign together. Here’s what it looks like.
Boring. Yawning. Sloppy. Lazy. I think the endless shitting on Kendall Jenner is pretty rote at this point, but c’mon. Help us to help you, girl. This looks like a 2016 shoot for Urban Outfitters. As per TMZ, the theme of the campaign "Explores the intimacy of travelling together.” A series of high-contrast flash photography in a barren airport is how you explore intimacy? Nah.
You know what’s intimate about travelling with another person? Bonding over being yelled at in the security line because it’s taking too long to squeeze all of your liquids into the clear plastic bag. It’s one person sitting with all the bags in the food court while another person grabs horrible, expensive coffees. It’s waiting to the side while the other person gets patted down in a random security check. It’s sleeping on the floor of the airport at 2am during a four-hour layover. THAT’S intimacy. These people fly private. Walking from a car to a private jet with ugly luggage is not intimacy.
Almost everything in our culture that’s meant to be beautiful and envelope-pushing and aspirational feels so dull and flat. I can’t remember the last time I saw something and went “Whoa!” Heaven by Marc Jacobs and their use of quirky stunt casting in their campaigns was fun for a hot minute, but it’s become eminently meme-able. I don’t get it. Are we done? Like, as a culture? It’s a scan of a scan of a scan. I don’t know.
Love is Blind S5
Well, we had a good run. This past Friday saw the latest drop of episodes for season five of Love is Blind and… well… I kinda have to walk back what I said in last week’s SWEETIE Weekly about this season being amazing. My humble pie is cooling off on a sill as we speak, and I am floating towards it, Looney Tunes-style.
In classic Netflix fashion, it really didn’t take long at all for the show to turn sour. This season is bad news. Unless you like to watch men yell at women. That might be your thing. In which case, congratulations! If it’s not, well, I hope you like your humble pie à la mode. Bon appetit!
Walking in threes
After sharing my heated opinion on path-side designations recently, I am back for a pinch of more rage. You see, my walks lead me to all kinds of places, to see all kinds of things. I once saw a seagull eating a pigeon, for example. And in my travels I have come to a realisation. I have finally figured out the worst configuration of people to try and pass on a path. It’s three.
Follow my logic. One person on a path is fine — the worst they can do is walk in the middle. Two people on a path will usually stick together. Three people walking on a path should be classified as a terrorist group. When three people get together to walk in a horizontal line, they suddenly become the most detestable figures alive.
People in groups of three splay out and leave no room for people to pass by. If I am being empathetic, I think the psychological explanation is that nobody wants to feel or be left out, having to walk alone. So the three stick together in an effort to be both egalitarian and very, very annoying to anyone else. Just walk closer together!!! Or make room for other people. Or just leave out the person in the threesome that you like the least. I don't really care. I have bird crimes to see!
Stay tuned for more ethnographies on my local walking population. I’m not even close to being done.
Byeeeee