Hola,
Everything Iβm touching this week is turning to shite. But itβs cool. Blame it on the incoming Capricorn full moon, I suppose. Look out your window on Monday evening to feel its looming presence.Β
Editorβs note: I do not care if there are typos in this weekβs edition.Β
Editorβs note II: I actually do, I just want to go outside and not look at a white document anymore. A real peek behind the curtain here.Β
Anyway. Letβs roll.Β
π SWEETIE RATES π
Vintage shopping
Have you noticed that there's no thrill in shopping anymore? The whole thing feels effete, ineffectual, disconnected from the gathering skills our ancestors so carefully cultivated. Iβm not just talking about the scourge of fast fashion β I know we all saw that disastrous Shein trip β and I do tend to fall under its allure, but it just doesnβt hit how it used to.
I saw a Ganni dress I liked on a girl at a cafΓ© (this one, for reference) and so I googled βGreen Check Dressβ and, indeed, it was the first hit, in my size and ready to be shipped. Whereβs the fun in that? I wanted something, so I typed some words into a computer, and now itβs coming to my very own mailbox should I decide to click a few more buttons? That sucks! Shopping now makes me feel like a panther pacing behind a wall of glass at the zoo. I may as well be given a big frozen block of meat with my order and have sticky children tap on my enclosure.Β Β
Shopping has become a spiritually depleted endeavour when it should be a game of wicked chance. If I am going to consume, I want to consume only what I cannot imagine until it is right in front of me. I went vintage shopping earlier this year, and decided to pull out a random t-shirt on my way to the counter β I pulled out a perfect Garth Brooks shirt, just the right amount of faded, just the right amount of oversized. Blame it all on my roots, Iβve never bought anything faster in my life. I was elated.
This week I stopped by Bulletproofβs pop up on my lunch break and pulled out banger after banger β a black leather Girl Guides belt with βBe Preparedβ emblazoned across its silver buckle, a cobalt wool jumper with tractors (!) stitched across the front, a navy blouse from Japan and a black midi dress with puff sleeves that I could only have dreamed of prior. I held my breath as I went to the change room with the dress of my dreams. A sigh. It fits like a glove. Now, tell me that thatβs not fate. The total sum of all of these items was far less than the Ganni dress, even at half-price, and their sentimental value is far more powerful. Also a great way to feel smug.
Vintage shopping makes me feel like ChloΓ« Sevignyβ¦ If ChloΓ« Sevigny had three housemates and a learning disability, but more importantly β it makes me feel like a mid-noughties-era teenager let loose in a shopping centre once again. It feels like going to Cotton On or Jay Jays and rifling through Cheer Up Emo Kid t-shirts and offensive Keffiyeh scarves and only finding out whatβs supposed to be on trend by seeing the clothes right in front of you.Β
Everything new is too careful, too algorithmic, too churn and burn, every trend is already dying from exposure the moment you see it in Zara. Thrifting has too much stretched, pulled and pilled polyester and stretch denim from Boohoo and Pretty Little Thing to find anything of value. Vintage is it, baby.Β Β
A new motto
Hereβs a new saying for you to live by: Itβs only embarrassing if youβre embarrassed.
The next time you feel humiliation flush your face and suck the air out of your lungs, know that you can choose to stand your ground. Just power through, be steadfast. Does it make a perfect amount of sense? No. But thatβs not what life is about.Β
If I let all the times I should be embarrassed taint my experience of being alive then I would have to live in a dark, padded room forever. Secondhand embarrassment is the burden only of the person who carries it. Fight back. Itβs 2023, weβre not embarrassed anymore.Β Unless you trip over. Then lol.
Tarot
My friend/housemate/personal pub quiz genius Ruby gave me the Waite Smith tarot cards for my birthday earlier this year β my first ever pack. It did not take me long to become unhealthily obsessed. Cards on the table, Iβm all in.
It doesnβt matter if you donβt believe in anything remotely divine, itβs an excellent prompt for self-reflection, consideration and, well, sometimes spooky outcomes. Once I pulled the devil card three times in a row for the same question about the same person. My shuffling may be shoddy, but itβs not THAT shoddy. For what itβs worth, the cards were right. F*ck y*u *****. Thatβs what you get for ******* *****.Β
π· SWEETIE HATES π·
The Other Two ending
Bad news for good people who like good things β The Other Two has ended with just three, sweet, wonderful seasons. Please pour one out for the pursuit of chasing dreams. Iβll miss this show.Β
For me, The Other Two filled a gaping hole left by the endings of Difficult People and Search Party, and now what do I have to look at for cutting satire, Young Sheldon??? Big Mouth??? Kill me.Β
Anyway. Allegedly the show allegedly ended allegedly because of a toxic set created and enabled by showrunners Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider over the course of the showβs production. Allegedly. But Iβm sure it has nothing to do with that. Or the ongoing WGA writerβs strike. Or HBO fucking up Max in an insane way. At least weβll always have βAge Net Worth Feetβ.Β
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Oh well, it looks like itβs finally time to get into The Righteous Gemstones.Β
The Barbie soundtrack
Look, I trust Greta Gerwig with my life, but Iβm worried. Iβm afraid that the Barbie soundtrack isnβt hitting right thus far. Itβs keeping me up at night. Food doesnβt taste the same. The sun doesnβt shine as bright.Β
Everything released so far sounds like it was written with the express intention of being a Kmart jingle. I was expecting everyone to be on their a-game, not to show up withβ¦ Whatever this is.Β
Iβm barb-adjacent, so I can hopefully say this without my house getting burnt down, but when did Nicki Minaj get so lazy? Look at me, Nicki, this isnβt you. Ice Spice is also there! Grrah, I guess.Β
This sounds like a cutting room floor track from Future Nostalgia. It sounds like someone rejigged a Bebe Rexha song (pejorative) with Duaβs voice AIβd in. Itβs utterly empty.Β
I donβt even want to get into Pinkpantheress, Karol G or Charli XCXβs contributions. I have to go lie down now. Life is full of pain.Β
This guy
Well, no, I donβt like this at all. Absolutely not. Itβs not for me, thanks for thinking of me though.Β Would you rather be killed by a shark or a crocodile btw?
Ciao ciao