Musk vs Zuck, Tourist Girl Summer, A 🔥 Mixtape 😙

Another one...

HI,

What’s up u guys, I’m drinkin’ a green smoothie in front of the fan and I am thinking about all of the things I have to do after I load this newsletter in. I’m still recovering from listing out all of the horrid deeds of Ezra Miller, so can’t stick around, g2g. I hope you like this SWEETIE Weekly, and me also too. 

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Tourist Girl Summer

After softly slandering the Zoomers that carry around digital cameras just last week, I have an admission to make — I’ve been keeping a digital camera on my person, and I am truly loving it. 

My Canon PowerShot G9 X has been yanked out of retirement to take pictures of friends, flowers, bees, museums and myself, and it is bringing a freshly sentimental feeling to my summer. Life should be captured on more than a grimey iPhone lens that, by the way, may be making you look bad and feel worse. 

Yes, I was the ~ camera friend ~ at parties in the late noughties. Shoot me for being obsessed with The Cobra Snake. And I’m thrilled to be doing it all over again. 

Nehru Jackets by Heems

Sometimes you reach a point in adulthood where you are simply unable to find the time to explore new forms of media. When this happens, the first thing to go for me is always music. If I’m ocupado, I simply do not have the patience to sift through playlists and mine the Spotify algorithm for new tunes. I just hit play on something old and formative and go about my business. 

In this spirit, I have come crawling back to one of the greatest mixtapes ever created — Nehru Jackets by Heems. Released on January 12 2012, it’s a Capricorn, just like me. In Capricorn fashion, it is elite. Perfectly off-kilter, political without being annoying and very, very funny, every single beat and every single bar goes crazy. Of the 25 tracks, Womyn, Computers and Kate Boosh are my favourites. 

Chickpea gyros

Hyperfixation doesn’t even begin to cover it. I could eat this all day, every day, for every meal and I would never, ever get tired of it. Crispy, spicy chickpeas with tzatziki is an undefeated combo. Pickle a red onion and put some on top. One bite is all it takes to remember that life is worth living. 

Here’s a recipe. 

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Zuck vs Musk

Big day for annoying people: two pale, evil freaks want to fight in a cage. Apartheid Clyde, whose father married his own ex-stepdaughter, has challenged the BBQ king himself to a lil’ old tussle. This is Holyfield vs Tyson for fuckin’ losers.

If they did fight, which they will not, because their egos are made of porcelain, my money would be on Mark to win. With his thousand-yard stare and a general vibe that he has hunted men for sport before, I don’t think it would take much provocation for him to snap and sink his flat teeth into Elon’s jugular. 

Not long after tweeting his challenge to Mark, Elon, famously a liar/charlatan, made excuses as to why he is not physically up to scratch for the fight.

"I almost never work out, except for picking up my kids & throwing them in the air."

I doubt this is true, because it sure does seem like between sinking Twitter, finishing Elden Ring and rapidly spiralling down the alt-right pipeline, he cannot realistically have much time for his children. Well, the ones that like him, anyway.

Airpod 2’s

The aesthetic of the AirPod 2’s really rattle my cage if I’m being completely honest with you. Why do they have those gangly little spider legs? They’re so damn LONG. They’re basically halfway to bluetooth headset territory. The first time I saw someone wearing them I was utterly verklempt. They’re horrible.

You know who kind of looks like an AirPod, though? Mark Zuckerberg. 

No aircon??

Hey, quick question — what the fuck? It appears as though the UK is allergic to aircon. In a land of double-glazed windows and a warming planet, there is almost nowhere to go in London that’s either not hot as Hades, or Boots.  

With every passing day I understand more and more why this geezer king had a swim in his own bin.

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Bye!